made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
