i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
