That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
