jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
