So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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