Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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