my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
