I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
