I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
