I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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