the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
