i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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