sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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