I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
