ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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