very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
