If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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