Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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