There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
