I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
