it hurts more in the daytime
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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