did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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