I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
