So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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