Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
