the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
