I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
