out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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