im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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