Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
whose ass print is on the piano?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
