dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
