i think i have herpe
just one?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
