smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
