no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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