I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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