yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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