i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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