I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
