I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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