Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
