my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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