Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
