i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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