he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Drake has all the answers
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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