im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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