The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
