If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
