UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So vagazzling was a success
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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