"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
