I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
