there's paper in my vomit.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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