On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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