My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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